Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Choosing God


Well, it has been a hell of a couple of weeks.... I had some really difficult news and it has really caused grieving in my heart. Tears and prayers and the childish urge to "get away" from it all. While I was grieving the world itself was and is going through turmoil, Hurricane Ike...wars...sadly, the regular mess...

I heard on a radio program that "man wasn't born evil...it was usually just circumstances that drove them to do evil things.... " and it made me cringe and think.

The eternal question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" was in the news also.... and I thought some more.

When I have to face suffering of my own and the suffering of others, it is natural, I think, to want to fly away. We have to learn, though, to fly to Him. For God makes all the difference. The why...is often not for us to know. Sometimes people are innocent victims, sometimes disobedience and rebelliousness against Him leads to an opening where evil gets in and does harm.

Suffering is ugly, there is no way around it. Somehow we have to keep our eyes on God, even when we feel we are drowning. For me it always seems to come back to a choice. We have to choose Him, not to curse Him and it gets so tiring at times and overwhelming. I do use a trick or little habit... I have chosen to visualize Jesus in the sacred Host, I deliberately picture Him and chose to verbalize praise to Him when I am seriously struggling... with temptation, suffering or anything that is separating us. I think this might be how He turns the ugliness of suffering into something redemptive, something beautiful, an opportunity to pray for others and to love with His heart, even when it seems humanly impossible to forgive, even when we don't want to and thoughts of returning evil for evil enter our thoughts and minds.

That's why we have the saints, those that cheer us on, those who have suffered and passed through it. Those who chose to do good and not evil. Their examples of living life light up the path for me, they reflect His love to me. St. Maximilian Kolbe often comes to mind.

Somewhere in scripture it says that "we need to hold our thoughts captive." That has helped me over the last little while, when my thoughts start wandering where they should not go, or anger and resentment start to well up, I do that, "hold them captive," visualize Jesus and deliberately praise Him. He is such a comfort to me and like St. Peter said, He has the words of eternal life, where else would I go?

Dear Lord, keep me faithful to you and your teachings and never let me be parted from you. Teach me to see and love through your eyes.

1 comment:

Fr Seán Coyle said...

Just to assure you of my prayers. I was wondering why you hadn't been writing.