My Best Friend

It's almost lunch time... kids are working at their desks, Brian is doing puzzles and Ashlinn is chatting with him. The sky is blue and it is a crisp September day.... the frost is gone and it is a balmy 5 C .
Besides schooling this morning I have booked hotels for us to stay at during Ashlinn's out of town hockey tournaments during this season, quickly read my email and adjusted the agenda for the Alter Server's Team meeting tonight, planned dinner, did two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, yelled at Eamon to get out of bed and then to get out of the shower, looked at prices and ways to get Owen home for Thanksgiving, it won't work due to time and money constraints, and started to plan menus for the kids for the next week and a half, as Guy and I are leaving on Wednesday. I'm tired already! Ha... well, it will be fun to get away for a bit. Guy has got a medical conference in Toronto and I'm going along. I'll spend time roaming T.O., while he is studying on Thursday and Friday and then we will visit Mom and Dad and other friends over the weekend, and after that, we are just going to drive the long, long way home and explore the Ottawa area maybe. The best part is going to be being with my best friend on those long drives. For us it is a way to reconnect, and a lot of our life changing decisions have been made on long drives. Guy always has said "the more we walk and talk, the better we know each other..." and that we have a "friendship that caught fire.." I told him the other night during our pillow talk that the best decisions I have ever made were for chosing to follow God, marrying him and having our children. We are blessed!

My blessing.

It was a fun day today, the sun was shining for once even though it was frosty and cold in the morning. After the kids had finished their school work they took out the playmobil toys and filled the family room full of little soldiers and farm animals and played all together. Laughter, giggles, and adjusted story lines filled the air. They cooperated and teased. Ashlinn and Brian decided to tickle Eamon the 16 year old. He lay among the toys, all 6'2" of him, with the 10 and 5 year old jumping all over him and laughed. It warmed my heart. I should have got them up to help sweep the floor or something.... but it did them and me good to let them play.

It is in those moments that I thank God for the blessings He has granted us in His mercy. I see glimpses of heaven in the happy voices, twinkling eyes and flushed smiling faces. "Love is kind, love is patient..." it is lovely to see that being lived out before one's eyes. I feel as if I have done the right thing in my life, marriage, children and home schooling. It was a good day and a blessed moment.

Choosing God

Well, it has been a hell of a couple of weeks.... I had some really difficult news and it has really caused grieving in my heart. Tears and prayers and the childish urge to "get away" from it all. While I was grieving the world itself was and is going through turmoil, Hurricane Ike...wars...sadly, the regular mess...

I heard on a radio program that "man wasn't born evil...it was usually just circumstances that drove them to do evil things.... " and it made me cringe and think.

The eternal question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" was in the news also.... and I thought some more.

When I have to face suffering of my own and the suffering of others, it is natural, I think, to want to fly away. We have to learn, though, to fly to Him. For God makes all the difference. The why...is often not for us to know. Sometimes people are innocent victims, sometimes disobedience and rebelliousness against Him leads to an opening where evil gets in and does harm.

Suffering is ugly, there is no way around it. Somehow we have to keep our eyes on God, even when we feel we are drowning. For me it always seems to come back to a choice. We have to choose Him, not to curse Him and it gets so tiring at times and overwhelming. I do use a trick or little habit... I have chosen to visualize Jesus in the sacred Host, I deliberately picture Him and chose to verbalize praise to Him when I am seriously struggling... with temptation, suffering or anything that is separating us. I think this might be how He turns the ugliness of suffering into something redemptive, something beautiful, an opportunity to pray for others and to love with His heart, even when it seems humanly impossible to forgive, even when we don't want to and thoughts of returning evil for evil enter our thoughts and minds.

That's why we have the saints, those that cheer us on, those who have suffered and passed through it. Those who chose to do good and not evil. Their examples of living life light up the path for me, they reflect His love to me. St. Maximilian Kolbe often comes to mind.

Somewhere in scripture it says that "we need to hold our thoughts captive." That has helped me over the last little while, when my thoughts start wandering where they should not go, or anger and resentment start to well up, I do that, "hold them captive," visualize Jesus and deliberately praise Him. He is such a comfort to me and like St. Peter said, He has the words of eternal life, where else would I go?

Dear Lord, keep me faithful to you and your teachings and never let me be parted from you. Teach me to see and love through your eyes.